We can probably all agree we use ‘burn-out’ so easily, so much so that I didn’t believe it was something I could ever *really* experience. It wasn’t until I saw a glimpse of myself in the mirror after what should’ve been an ‘easy’ shift that I really recognised it.
Now this isn’t my first rodeo with thee feelings – ask anyone who I’ve worked with and they’ll agree. I’ve been through bouts of this before, typically a hell of a lot easier to handle and after a few ‘tough’ weeks, it usually subsides but I’ve spent months unhappy at work, always feeling exhausted and constantly drained and just hoping it would eventually pass. I’d spent majority of my time thinking some time off would help but over time simple things like a week off and even the 11 days I had off when me and J went on holiday, still didn’t seem like enough and went I returned from that holiday all my feelings would return too. My current work place is somewhere I’ve worked for over four years and only my second job since leaving university, over time it was somewhere that was comfortable and easy but ultimately somewhere that has made me miserable.
I mean yeah, other have it worse, much worse and I feel guilty over that everyday, however my experiences lately have left me feeling really fuckin’ low. Not only am I feeling the burn-out but also the exhaustion has caused me to be quiet mentally distant – inside and outside of work and my anxiety levels have increased and recently after a visit to the doctors, I’ve been diagnosed with depression.
Personally I think this has all been a long time coming, a mixture of other triggers just unlucky for me the work place is where it’s all come to light.
Working within retail and hospitality, there’s so much human interaction, high demand of always being on top of your game and over time I’ve become worn out over this. It got to a point where I felt like the only things I was doing on a regular basic was sleeping and working. I had zero time and energy for anything else, let alone trying to keep hold of my social life and take my word for it, that feeling sucks. I can’t find a routine to give myself more ‘time off’ and on my days off I felt I needed to be out the house, working on my blog, applying for new jobs or spending time with the people I loved and I really lost control of the balance.
I’ve also lost myself in the process both mentally and physically in the last few months and with this post – I needed a dear diary moment and I guess it’s time I started the process to clear my head, so thanks if you’ve stuck around. I’m hoping it begins to get better soon.
