Ah, June, the midpoint of the year, the time of year I find myself at my most reflective, looking back on how the year is going, and sometimes it causes me to spiral into a pit of depression and other times it encourages my next steps.
…and if you’ve caught up with my life update recently, you’ll know how shit life has been for me so far in 2023 – so todays post may come as no surprise, and originally I was going to make this post a dumping ground for my thoughts of this year and how it’s been horrible for me, and granted it has, but unlike the post I wrote similar to this years ago {see: 5 reminders for when you feel like you’ve failed} and (much to my own surprise), I’m not the same girl I was back then.
and in my time of reflection, I realise that I don’t want these things that once upon a time would’ve caused my spiral to continue doing so, instead I want to look back and see what I’ve failed at so far this year and how I can use these moments to make the rest of 2023 the best year yet, put myself first, say yes to things that would once terrify me and just embrace a life I haven’t experienced yet, (and not feel guilty for some moments in life that haven’t changed for me yet).
So, I guess let me introduce you to my failures of 2023 and how I’m not allowing them to continue to define me:
My relationship ended.
Well, this one came at me like a slap in the face and I don’t really want to go into details about this one but we both agreed to do what’s best for each other and our future happiness and as much as it sucks and as hard as it’s been, I know we’ll both be thankful for it down the line.
That’s not to say it’s not been tough and honestly, it’s been a lot harder on me mentally than I’ve let on, but separating from a person you very much still loved and no longer having them in your life 24/7, is scary and sad and everything in between.
…however I’m taking this as a chance to rediscover myself. I’m okay with being alone, but it’s time to remember that feeling, take myself on dates again, do things for me and remind myself that I’m worthy of being loved.
I can no longer afford to buy a house.
This one is a toughie, and as you can imagine this goes hand in hand with the above.
I don’t want to go into too much detail regarding this one, as it’s still a little bit of a sore subject…but right now, I have to accept and understand I’m not in a reasonable position to buy a house, regardless of my deposit saved (which btw: yay me), living alone just isn’t affordable right now, but tbh, I’m not letting it get me down and taking this as an opportunity to use my money and freedom to travel more, see the world, experience new cultures and say yes to my dreams!
I turned 30.
Now, not this isn’t the failure in itself and just more the highlight of what I haven’t achieved yet in life, while for the best part of my late 20’s I didn’t question this milestone that was looming, and instead embraced this new decade in my life, but with my relationship falling apart a mere 3 weeks beforehand, it was a toughie to get through.
I spent majority of march really believing I’d failed, I haven’t achieve near half of much as my peers have at this same age, I can’t afford to live the life a typical 30 year old can, I can’t hold down a relationship and I just didn’t know what prospects I had to look forward to.
Thankfully friends and family rallied for my big birthday and made the day much easier and since I have recognised that these problems are beyond my control and instead of wallowing in self-pity, find a way to use these *failures* to my own advantage and make my 30’s the year of me!
My side hustle is bombing.
Okay, I’ll admit I’m being dramatic here, but content creation had become a huge part of my life, allowing myself this space to be creative and working on my side hustle has been a huge achievement in my life and has held a special place in my heart for the last 10 years.
Yet lately, the algorithm hasn’t been on my side and while I know it’s not a personal attack and others are having the same fights, it’s hard to remind myself that it’s not my fault.
This ones a little sour right now as I can’t stop myself from questioning what i’m doing wrong, but i am also trying to take on the mentality that I need to enjoy it before anyone else can. So bare with me while I find my feet again but right now, creating content sucks!
Sarah in her 20’s would’ve cried herself to sleep every night, been the worst critique of her short comings and wouldn’t have been able to move forward from these failures and whilst I’m still figuring things out, I’m proud of how my 30’s mean I’m able to say fuck it a little more.
I’m taking the necessary steps to recognise my failures yet not allowing them to define who I am
Everything that happens to use in life is a life lesson, something we can adapt from, sometimes it requires a little more work and I’m not going to judge anyone who takes more time to reach that point (hell, who’s to say I won’t hit a bout of depression next week and laugh in the face of the girl who wrote this…). I guess, what I’m trying to say is, it’s okay! Failing is okay, learning from it is okay and not allowing it to define me is even better!
Life has been tough in 2023, but right now, I’m excited to see where it takes me.
- DRESS – NEWLOOK
- CARDIGAN – PRIMARK
Sarah x
